Love and Faith

Can we say we are fully committed, fully and wholly surrendered if we have not love? When Jesus' disciple asked him, "Lord, Lord, what is the greatest commandment?" Jesus could not separate one single greatest. To God, His response was one in the same - "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength; and love your neighbor as yourself." 

It's that simple. Love God. Love others. 

Why then, if it's that simple do we struggle so much to truly love others. Why do we struggle to forgive? Luke 6 tells us that we are to "do good to those who hate us." Wow! How often have we done that, and yet that is exactly what God is calling us to do.

I'm moved by a book I just finished reading. Crazy Love by Francis Chan. This is a challenging book that, prayerfully, will move you into action. Move you - and me - out of our comfort zones and into the love God has called, actually, commanded us to have and use.

"The average Christian in America spends 10 minutes per day with God. The average American spends 4 HOURS per day watching TV." It is no wonder, when you read those statistics that Christians are not having the impact on our "neighbors" that God had intended. 

Annie Dillard wrote that, "The way we live out our days is the way we will live out our lives." That is a powerful statement. Do you spend your day asking God, "What can I do for you? Where do you want me to serve? Who do you want me to show love to today?" Do you spend your time basking in the love of Christ, in His presence and in His grace, or do you waste your day away working feverishly, trying to attain the world's approval, the world's definition of success - the American Dream, or trying to prove to yourself that you are worth something? Do you waste your day away watching TV, playing video games, or gossiping? 

What we fill our time with is how we live out our day and it's how we will live out our lives. Matthew 6:21 tells us, "For where your treasure is, there your heart will also be." God's words are so true - the things that are important to us will be the things that consume our time and energy each day... and throughout our lives. 

Francis Chan says this, "If one person "wastes" away his day by spending hours connecting with God, and the other person believes he is too busy or has better things to do than to worship the Creator and Sustainer, who is the crazy one?

About 2 years ago, I made a choice that I did not want to just let life happen and "get by". I didn't want to trust that I was doing "just fine" - I wanted to know that the legacy I was (and am) leaving was a legacy built on loving others and giving Him my all. Now, there are days when that may not happen, but still, a choice was made and on the whole, I choose to fully follow Him, to not just let life pass me by, but to actively pursue my Creator. I have not looked back since then and the journey I'm on has been such an enjoyable one. Actually, enjoyable is not even a strong enough description for the impact that actively pursuing Him has had on my life. 

Chan was asked this question while he was in college, "Francis, what are you doing right now that requires faith?" He goes on to say how much that question challenged him because at that point in his life he could not think of one single thing he was doing that was challenging his faith. 

So, I ask that question to you? What are you doing in your life that is challenging YOUR faith? 

For me, I can't say much of anything at the moment. I can think of a past example - when my husband started his company. That really challenged us to trust that God would provide. We went without a paycheck for 9 months. We went from 6-figures.... to nothing. Nothing at all. $0. Not once was I ever afraid that we would not have our basic needs met. If we lost our house, as I told my husband, then we lost it. If we lost our possessions, then we lost them. 

What I wanted to know was this: Is our family in tact? Do we have our faith, each other, laughter, and health? The answer was always yes! All the rest was mere icing on the cake. 

But, this question has challenged me today. I cannot think of anything I am really doing that requires faith. I am believing and praying for several of my friends breaking marriages. I am believing for my sister to come to Christ, for my niece to have the opportunity to know Him and learn about the Bible. I am even believing to make an impact on the world around me - but the question is not really asking that. It's a much more challenging question than that.

Faith, through Webster's Dictionary says this: 1. confidence or trust in a person or thing.

Hebrews 11:1 tells us this, "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."

When was the last time we, in our plush American life-styles (and that even include our "poor") truly had to sacrifice it all and have true, real, unadulterated faith in Him?

So, the question I have found myself asking is this: What would it look like to TRULY love God. Not this "one-time sinners prayer, now all is well" kind of love. Not the kind of love that says, "I'll obey you if it's convenient for me and fits into my American Dream kind of plan. But instead, the love that Jesus required His followers to have. 

In Luke 9:57-62, Jesus invited people to follow him (this would make up His 12 disciples) and this is what was said:

"As they were walking along the road, a man said to him, “I will follow you wherever you go.” Jesus replied, "Foxes have dens and birds have nest, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." He said to another man, "Follow me." But, he replied, "Lord, first let me go bury my father." Jesus said to him, "Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God." Still another said, "I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back  and say goodbye to my family." Jesus replied, "No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God."

There is a HUGE cost to following Him and truly serving Him. Have we, as Americans REALLY considered that cost? Even our poor in this country still eat daily, can afford to smoke a $6 pack of cigarettes and can find money drink away their problems. The wealthy, they are chasing a happiness that will never come to them. Jesus was pretty clear - follow me and homeless may be in store for you. Follow me and you may not see your family again, but those are the costs of following Him. 

I don't know about you, but that's what I want. That kind of "all in" heart with God. There are people overseas that are sacrificing everything for the chance to be in the presence of the very same Father we deny, or push under the carpet until a loved one is sick or money is tight. They are sacrificing their livelihoods, their families, and their own lives so that others will have the opportunity to hear about God's goodness and grace. 

Do we have that kind of true love? Do we - do I - have that same kind of faith it takes to truly pick up our cross and follow Jesus? 

2 Corinthians 5:10, "For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil."

What can you change in your life that moves you from being a lukewarm Christian to a mighty warrior for Christ?

The blessings that flow.

So, after a hiatus from blogging, I find myself sitting here in my quiet livingroom, ready to pour my heart out once again. The kids are having friends over for the night and my husband is away on travel. I'm sipping a cup of hot chocolate with whipped cream on top and my Bible is at my side. I'm ready... but where do I start? Which topic do I write of today. There are so many things on my heart... so many things I want to share. I guess I will begin with a story of surrendering your will to God and waiting on Him.

After 4 years of prayer, God led our family to a new church. Within 3 weeks of being at that new church, God's blessings were flowing so deep and so wide. One blessing came in the form of a guest speaker. 

The church was holding a missions day - a day to bring awareness to a cause they felt was important. The cause, Human Trafficking. The speaker, Pat Manzo. Pat and his wife, Mary Ann, founded a non-profit organization (called Run For Freedom) set up with two main goals: 1) To bring AWARENESS to the atrocities of Human Trafficking. And 2) To build DREAM HOMES across America. (Dream Homes are safe homes, designed to bring shelter, food, counseling, medical, dental, and vision care, education, reprieve, and most importantly, God's love, to the young girls who will eventually call a Dream Home their home.)

Pat spoke so passionately about this cause. He brought cold hard facts to this American reality. He brought real life stories - stories happening right here in the U.S.A. - to the forefront. 

Traveling back in time approximately 4 years, God had brought this cause to my attention through a Christian music festival in NH called SoulFest. SoulFest was featuring a different non-profit doing the same thing - fighting to end human trafficking. My husband and I were moved. We began supporting, financially, this other non-profit (called Not For Sale). We did that for about 2 years... then God moved in my heart even further with an event that would rock my world.

Across the street from our house (we live in an upper-middle class neighborhood), in a quiet small NH town, on a quiet cul-de-sac, an atrocity was taking place and I did not even know it. A story so horrific that I won't even share the details - but the gist of the story is that an innocent 11 year girl was being trafficked by her own step-father, while her mother worked a 3rd shift job. This innocent young girl was exploited and trafficked, both in our neighboring town and on the internet through various sexually explicit websites.

Every morning when I went running, I would run past her as she waited for the bus. I had no idea of the intense and grave atrocity that was taking place against her. As the FBI and local police swarmed our road on a hot July day, the news began to unfold to the other neighbors on the street. 

My heart sank. There are no real words to describe the emotions that stormed my mind, my heart, and my body. Although I did not know her personally, I vowed I would not sit by and do nothing. I vowed I would not allow such atrocities to continue without me getting in on the fight to protect the young, the innocent, and the weak. This was already a topic that moved me to donate monthly to an organization fighting this very cause, but now it seemed personal. It was so close to home. So preventable. So tangible. But, what could I do? I am just one person.

That is what Satan would have you tell yourself. "You can do nothing. The problem is too big. What good can you make? You are so small compared to the problem." Lies! These are all lies and the Bible is clear that Satan is the father of ALL lies! (John 8:44)  You CAN make a difference. Fully surrender your heart to God and allow Him to show you where you can surrender your life for His glory. He will show you.

That is what happened to me. After learning about what was happening at my neighbors house, I began praying and asking God to allow me to get involved with Not For Sale, the organization I had learned about through SoulFest - nearly 2 years prior to this incident. I started writing emails to their volunteer department, to their directors. For nearly a full year I heard nothing from them at all. I continued to pray that God would place me where He wanted me. That He would open the door He wanted me to walk through. I wanted nothing less than His perfect will. 

A year passed by with no word from them, at all. Then, our family made the decision to switch churches. Three weeks after switching, Pat Manzo came to speak at our new church. God spoke to me, so clearly that this was it. This is what HE had been preparing for me all along. I asked our new Pastor to introduce me to Pat and he lead me immediately back to him. I shook his hand and told him, without hearing anything of his organization, that I wanted to start a NH Chapter for his organization.... that I believed God was calling me to do this. His immediate response to me was this, "I believe you are the person we have been praying for. My wife and I have been praying for someone to step up and say they wanted to start a NH Chapter. I believe you are the answer to that prayer!"

Four years in the making, two years of prayer and petition, and a lot of patience - God opened the doors to an opportunity I had been waiting on Him for. I would not want it any other way. I fully surrendered this area to Him. I prayed that He would open or close doors. I prayed He would use me where He wanted me. I prayed for His perfect will in my life. The irony, 3 days after that encounter with Pat, I finally heard from Not For Sale. They asked me to come on as a NH Regional Director and sent me the requirements to join their team. By that point, I knew where God wanted me though. I saw this as a distraction from the father of lies. Not For Sale is a wonderful organization.... but simply said, I knew at that moment, exactly what was happening. Satan did not want me working with Run For Freedom. But here God was, using me to start a brand new chapter for Run For Freedom. Now, I get to use my love of public speaking and I get to share God's love to others through through my Run For Freedom platform. How amazing is God?

Fully Surrendering to Him can be hard. We are impatient beings. We want what we want when we want it. I am particularly bad at that. I get an idea in my head and that's it.... I've got to do it THEN! But, that's not always God's plan for us. Sometimes He says no. Sometimes, it's just a gentle, "Not now. Grow my little one, set your feet on solid ground and delve into my Word." Sometimes it's an immediate, "Yes." Whatever His response is,  it is our responsibility to fully surrender our wills to Him and wait on His will. That's what we want, right? Do we really want our way? Or do we really want His perfect way. The way that is paved with His Light.

Numbers 14:8 says this about God, "If the Lord is pleased with us, He will lead us into that land, a land flowing with milk and honey, and He will give it to us."

Psalm 31:3 says this, "Since you are my rock and fortress, for the sake of your name, lead and guide me."

Wait on God. Talk to Him. God is not a God of rules, checklists, or regulations. He wants that deep, personal, intimate relationship with you. When you feel like you've heard God speak into your heart and the doors are not opening, pray! Continue to seek Him. There are times when God will reveal a little bit of His plan to you, but that does not necessarily mean the doors will be opening at that moment. I think of motherhood for me. God had spoken children, a lot of children, into my heart at an early age... but that didn't mean those children would come in my timing. Instead, my husband and I went through a total of 10 years of infertility. Steadfast though... I knew what God had spoken to me. And even now, I know our family is not complete, but we are waiting on God to open the doors of adoption for us. 

Surrender your plan to God. Watch Him work in ways you could not imagine. I'll leave you with this story I heard. 

A family in Maine decided they wanted to adopt a child from Haiti shortly after the Haiti earthquake disaster. All adoptions had come to a halt as the country tried to come to grips with the disaster, as well as, handle the large amount of new orphans. This family was not sure how things were going to work out given what had happened, but they believed God would work everything out. I don't remember the exact time-frame, but it was a very short (a week or two I think) time later when a family from the couple's church felt they had heard God speak loud and clear to them. The family didn't know why, but they felt like God was calling them to give the couple a check for $24,000! They were obedient to God and gave the money to the couple. That was the EXACT amount of money needed to adopt a child from Haiti. 

The story does not stop there.... with the money in hand, the couple proceeded forward with the adoption and God parted the Red Sea for them. God opened every single possible door for them and in a VERY SHORT TWO WEEKS.... the couple flew down to Haiti and picked up their new child, fully adopted!!! God still moves mountains and if it's in His plan and it's His will for you, He WILL open those doors!

Be blessed and know that God is for you. He wants the best for you and most importantly, He wants ALL of you!

God was not silent - My two prayer warriors.

"God is not silent. It is the nature of God to speak. The second person of the Holy Trinity is called "The Word." - A.W. Tozer


God was not silent in my life. Although I did not know Him personally until I was 15, I knew Him. I knew He was there, I just didn't know what it was I was looking for. 


As a child, as young as seven or so, I would sneak my mother's King James Version Bible into my room and read it at night after I went to bed. I had absolutely no understanding of what I was reading, but I knew there was something in that Book that I wanted, or needed to know. 


As time went on, I began asking my parents if they could take me to church. They politely told me they were not church-going people, but told me I was welcomed to go with friends if I could find some that would take me. I sought out, over the next few years, several friends whose families would be willing to take me to church with them. I found some and was thankful to have the opportunity, but when I went to their churches, I knew, somehow, deep down inside of me, that there was more to what was calling me than sitting, standing, kneeling, and repeating. At such a young age, I honestly had no idea what it was, but I knew there was something "out there" that was drawing me closer and closer to an inevitable meeting and it was not at those churches. The search continued. 


Then, I met a very dear friend in 7th grade, Macalla. Her and I began to pass notes to each other in class and each time, at the bottom of each of her notes, she would have a Bible verse, New International Version. I'm still not sure if she fully understands the impact that had on my life, but I have never stopped thanking her for her courage and for the gift she gave me. I read those verses with new life. I read them and they gave me life. I still didn't understand who God was or what He was calling me to do, but I knew those verses - the ones I could read and understand - were, in part, what I was looking for. It had no name yet, but that was it. 

Macalla eventually invited me to church with her and her family. I jumped at the chance, but her church was a full Korean-speaking church. Since I would not, any time soon, learn to be fluent in Korean, I was in trouble. But what I did find there, in the midst of a strong language barrier, was the heart of God and He called me into His Kingdom that day. He called me and I sat there crying, wanting what I saw in the people around me. I could tell they had what I had been searching for. I could tell they knew about "this God I wanted to know about." That was the day I learned what I was looking for. That was the day I began really looking for God.

Unbeknownst to me, my mother had begun her own spiritual journey with a co-worker who had begun sharing the Gospel of Christ with her on her lunch hour. After a full year of sharing God's love with her, he finally invited my mother to church. 


The morning had come, and with trepidation in her voice, my mother walked into my room, woke me up, and gently said, "I'm going to church in 10 minutes. If you want to come, get dressed and get ready to leave." That was it. I remember it as vividly as the day it happened. I remember the excitement I felt. I remember the pink knee-length dress I put on. In ten minutes, I was ready to go - ready to meet God. 


My mother and I arrived at the church. We made our way to the fifth row of chairs. Her and I sat by ourselves, in a church of roughly 2500 people. The worship music began and that was it.... I had found God and He had so lovingly, and graciously, and purely drawn me there, to that church, to that very moment in my life where I would call Him my own. Where I would ask God into my life, to forgive me, to fill me with His Spirit, to lead my life in a way that would honor Him and give glory to Him. 


 The worship began and within minutes my mother and I were brought to tears. We didn't stop crying. The entire service passed with tears streaming down both of our faces. We held hands. We lifted our hands in praise and worship to the Creator who had called both of us there that day. We hugged and we sat listening to God, the Father of heaven and earth, speak to us in a way that we had never been spoken to before - with unfailing love, with peace that passes all understanding, with a voice that echoed in our hearts and drew us in. It was on that day, July 8th, 1992 that I gave God my heart. I gave Him all of me. July 8th was the turning point in my life. What an incredible day and journey, thereafter.


Fast forward to January 4, 1997. This was another turning point in my life - I got married. While that is a turning point for most of us, it was what I had learned about my in-laws after getting married. My husband, who is 7-months older than I am, had been being prayed over every night of his life growing up. His parents would tuck him into bed and would pray with him. In those nightly prayers, they would pray for "his future wife" that she would "know God, or learn of God" and that "she would have a good childhood, be protected, and safe. That God would watch over her life." 


I remember when I found this out... I was speechless. People I had never met were praying for me. People who I would some day call family, but were years away from meeting, were praying for me. What an honor! What a blessing! Although I will never know, here on earth, I feel fairly confident and comfortable saying that I can't think of a single person in my life that was praying for me before I was born. With Jason being older than me, that would mean I had been being prayed for while still in my mothers womb. How incredible is God. God heard the prayers of one righteous family and He worked the answer to those prayers out in my life. 


Isaiah 49:1 says this, "Before I was born the LORD called me; from my mother’s womb he has spoken my name."




Jeremiah 29:11 says this, "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."


God had plans for me. He knit me together in her womb and He had called me out by name. God drew me into His arms, in spite of my family's lack of knowledge of Him. He drew me closer and closer to Him through creation, through sunrises and sunsets, the stars and moon that lit up the sky. He spoke gently to my heart and made Himself known to me, long before I knew Him.


I credit my walk with God to those three very special people. Macalla, Mort, and Marion. Thank you. Thank you for the work you did on my behalf. Thank you for having the courage, the strength, and the Spirit within you to pray on my behalf.


You might be asking why I'm telling this story - it has to do with my journey over the last two years. About a year ago, God had really opened my eyes to this full picture. The portrait of my life that included the prayers of future in-laws prior to my birth, and the prayers of a friend who had the courage to write the truths of God's Word and invite me to attend church with her.


Loved - there is no other word to describe how that makes one feel. The Creator of heaven and earth; Jehovah-Jireh - my provider; Johovah-Rohi - the Lord my Shepherd; the Author of life and of my faith, my gentle Whisperer, and the God who sees me - He had called me, by name, into His Kingdom. God was not silent in my life. God formed me in my mothers womb, with the express knowledge that I would be right where I am today - a wife, a home schooling mother to 4, an abolitionist - fighting for the rights of our unborn babies and for the rights of all people who are trapped in slavery - either sex slavery or debt slavery.


When you learn and know for yourself just how much God will fight for you, just how much He loves you, you will want to Fully Surrender it all to Him. Fully Surrendering to Him has lead to enormous growth in my life in the last two years - spiritually and personally. I love the person God is shaping me to be - more confident and less self-conscience, more apologetic and less stubborn, better able to handle adversity and more loving of myself. These are all areas I have struggled with for most of my life, but Fully Surrendering to God has helped me, in the last two years, to really see enormous growth in these areas. More of Him, less of me....


"The full acting out of the self's surrender to God therefore demands pain: this action, to be perfect, must be done from the pure will to obey, in the absence, or in the teeth, of inclination". ~ C.S. Lewis

Peace from an unlikely source.

As a part of this 2 year journey God has had me on so far, He has been working on giving me peace and showing me what peace looks like with Him. It's strange to have known God for so long and yet not know what it really feels like to live in His peace or to live with the peace that only He can bring.


John 14:27 says,
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."


I'm also reminded, right this very moment, that in Galatians 5, God tells us one of the fruits of the Spirit is peace. Praise God for growth. So often we can't see personal growth, but this is an area in which I can say I've seen enormous growth.


Some of that growth has taken form in food. Food had been the bane of my existence. It has tormented me and has caused so much unjust heartache. In our society, with size 2 models and actresses portrayed as the only way in which one can look; in our society in which size 4 models and actresses are starving themselves because they believe themselves to be "too fat", what conclusion does a size 12 woman make?


But for the first time in my life, food has been not my enemy - or at least some foods are not. :-) God brought me to a place (through the diagnoses of my mothers diabetes, a health and nutrition class and through the desire to break the chains of family history) where I have peace about food. More importantly, I have peace about who I am... all 12 sizes of me.


When I began to change the way I ate and the way my family ate, I had a peace in my life that I had never known. I know this may sound strange, but I did. I would never have said I fed my family poorly, but when I compare it to how I feed them now, I feel such a peace about what I am doing.


God showed me, through other resources, that the foods He made for us - raw veggies, fruits, whole grains, and nuts are how He wants us to be eating - or at least how He designed our bodies to function best.


What came of the changes we made - better health. My son, who had been having several health issues, no longer struggles with those issues. My daughter, who had different health issues no longer experiences those - at all. The whole family has seen health benefits from our digestive systems, hair, nails, skin, colon health, and weight loss.


Along the way, I have learned to make my own yogurt, my own bread (and mill my own wheat berries), cakes, apple sauce, began canning (tomatoes, jam, tomato soup and stew tomatoes, apple sauce, and more). I learned how to compost, garden (and now have 5 raised beds, a large fruit garden, and apple, pear, plum, and nut trees.)


As I began to do the research on how to make my family healthier I found more things I wanted to change and changed those as well. We went to a non-plastic household - hoping to eliminate any BPAstainless steel cookware. Non-stick cookware, when over-heated, has been questioned in the release of a carcinogen known as PFOA or also known as C-8. contamination's. I also got rid of all our non-stick cookware and went to


In addition to that, I also continued to research the foods that were already in our house and eliminated all foods that have partially hydrogenated oils, dyes, and high fructose corn syrup (in that link, scroll down to the health effects) in them. All of those ingredients have adverse health effects on the human body and as I learned more about them, I decided they were not ingredients I wanted to be putting into my family's bodies.


So what does this all mean? Why am I bringing this up? Because this has been a huge part to Fully Surrendering. God called me to change - to change, what I believed to be be unchangable. A long family history of obesity, poor eating, and a barrage of health effects that come with both of those - high cholesterol, high blood pressure, diabetes, and more. I did not believe I could change. I thought my lot in life was to walk in the same tracks of those who have gone before me - but I am here to encrourage you that that does not have to be true. When you are willing to lay it all down at the feet of the cross, give it all over to Him, He will change what you think cannot be changed. He will give you the courage and the strength to do the impossible.


I put it all down in front of my Savior - I handed it all to Him. He carried this burden for me and in the process He gave me peace. The peace I now have is the peace that tells me that I am a daughter of a King and that I was fearfully and wonderfully made. I have peace, for the first time in my life, about the size I am. About the food I am eating, and about the life style I am living. This is not because of anything I did, but because I was willing to hear my Father speak to me and then obey the things He was telling me.


God wants you to know that too. Whatever your struggle is, He is there to carry that burden for you. He is there to teach you, give you resources, and give you the strength to change.


Romans 6: 15-18 in The Message says this:


What Is True Freedom?


 ^15-18So, since we're out from under the old tyranny, does that mean we can live any old way we want? Since we're free in the freedom of God, can we do anything that comes to mind? Hardly. You know well enough from your own experience that there are some acts of so-called freedom that destroy freedom. Offer yourselves to sin, for instance, and it's your last free act. But offer yourselves to the ways of God and the freedom never quits. All your lives you've let sin tell you what to do. But thank God you've started listening to a new master, one whose commands set you free to live openly in his freedom!


In Acts 11:21 (Amplified) the Word of God says this:


And the presence of the Lord was with them with power, so that a great number learned to believe and turned and surrendered themselves to Him.


God's peace comes in all forms and, for me, it came in this unlikely form. Are you willing to give it all to Him?

The Power Of Answered Prayer - A Journal Entry

This is a journal entry from my daily quiet time with God. With the One who's showing just how gracious He is and just how deep His love is for me.


Feb 2, 2011                      


My Heart


1 John 3:20, "God is greater than our hearts."


"As children of God, we do not have to be derailed by the way we feel. Our God is greater. Give Him your heart." - Beth Moore


Lord, I am broken. Somewhere inside, I am broken. Somewhere inside, I have allowed Satan to tell me that I am a failure and I will never accomplish what I want to accomplish.


Where does this come from? Why? What is going on with me? Why am I so broken?


Lord, I thank you that your Word today tells me - PROMISES ME -  that YOU are greater than my broken heart. YOU are greater, Lord. YOU... not my brokenness.


Lord, help me. Help me to figure out why I am the way I am. Show me your face, Lord. Help me, Father.


*****


I poured my heart out to God that day. I put it out there for God to see and hear it all. That was Feb 2, 2011  and TEN DAYS LATER, Jay came to my front door. Sent to our house by our church for a completely different reason (to do a church-wide survey), God used Jay in a mighty way in my life.


My God is still the same God of Jacob, Issac, and Abraham. He is still the same God as He was to David, Ruth, Naomi, and Job. My Heavenly Father answered my prayer is a very real and tangible way - just like he answered the prayers of the Israelites.


I love David's prayers and his songs. I love how he pours out his heart to God. I feel like I can relate so much to David. I lay it all out there because that is who I am. Well in 2 Samuel 7:18 David cried out, " WHO AM I, O Sovereign Lord, and what is my family that you have brought me this far?"


"That you have brought me this far......" I feel David's heart. Who am I, Lord, that you have brought me out this far. Just like the Israelites, you did not bring me out this far, to take me back again... you brought me out to bring me into the promised land. You are bringing me into that promised land and I'm coming, Lord. I look forward to what's on the other side over - in the land flowing with milk and honey.


Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Jay.


How do you fully surrender it all to God? You have to give it all to God. Pour your heart out to Him - then hang on! Find resources to help you - starting with God's Word. It is in His Truth that we can have a renewed mind, freedom from the bondage's we are in, and the liberty to pursue the joy, peace, and comforts He has given and promised us!


"My sheep listen to my voice; I know them and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand."  ~ Jesus of Nazareth


Blessings.

Jay... and God's gracious and enormous love for me!

Jay - a small name, a spiritual giant.


The day I met Jay, was a day I will never forget.


Below, you will read an excerpt from a letter I wrote this man named Jay - my earthly angel.


" I also wanted to say a huge thank you, from the bottom of my heart for obeying God that day. I believe you were right on in saying that you were not at our house because of Shiloh, but by divine appointment. Jay, I wish, so much, you could see what has been happening in my life. The connections, the verses, the pages of a book, a bible study... it's ALL connecting! I have been in tears, being broken, mended, molded, and in awe of just how absolutely AMAZING my God is!! The God I love and serve, the one who, at times I doubt, felt it so necessary to intercede on my behalf that he sent a Beth Moore Bible study, an AMAZING book (which I do HIGHLY recommend to you!), and you! He sent them all to me, as a perfectly assembled gift, just for me. You asked me, "What would you think.... if God had allowed, for a time, to make your memory the way that it is. What would you say? How would that make you feel?" My answer to you, in tears, was, "loved by God."


If you want to know what it feels like to KNOW you are loved by God, you should request a neatly, beautifully, and lovingly assembled package - designed in perfection, by the Creator himself just for you. There are no words that I can use to adequately - even eloquently - describe how loved I have felt by God.


Thank you. Thank you for your obedience to say hard things, to listen to the promptings of the Holy Spirit, and to press in, and press through - despite or in spite of my resistance.


Jason asked me after you left... and after I stopped crying, "So, what do you think about the night? How would you describe it?" The first word out of my mouth was, "Creepy." But, honestly, I just had no words to describe being completely and utterly emotionally stripped. I felt naked before you. It was as if you could see all the secrets deep down in my heart and it was a terribly vulnerable place to be in. It was "creepy", but for as strange and vulnerable as it felt, it felt good to be saying some of those things.


What surprised me the most was the level of intensity of which I cried when I had to talk about losing my 7 babies - even over being raped. I did not realize how much I blamed God for that and how deeply hurt I felt by the feelings that He did not protect my precious little babies. That as I lied in bed each night crying out to God to protect them, then I would lose them, how much hurt and resentment that had built up in me. How that had built a wall of distrust in me - in the One who, in His very nature, has protected me my entire life. I blamed myself for the rapes, but worse than that, I blamed God for the loss of all my angels........... and wow............... just like that, I can still be brought to tears with this conversation.




At any rate, I wanted to thank you. "Thank you" just does not seem sufficient enough for your obedience to God that day, but it's all I have. At some point, I would love to open the doors of communication with you to see how Jason and I might be able to partner with you and your wife - as prayer partners and possibly financial partners. Jason said, "Watching Jay work with you was like watching a spiritual surgeon. He began prepping earlier in the day and got you ready, then evening fell and I watched you lay your body down as he performed a spiritual heart surgery. What God worked through him was one of the coolest things I've ever seen."


***


That was Jay. Jay, for a 9 hour period of time, spoke God's love and truth to me. He was a divine appointment, orchestrated by God, just for me.


How do you fully surrender to God - lay it ALL down, at the feet of the cross.

Back tracking

Two years ago was really the beginning of the journey I'm on. It started with God placing one very special person in my life. She is a dear friend to me now and I feel I owe her a debt of gratitude and I owe God all the praise and glory for putting the two of us together.


Like never before, I connected with my dear friend on a spiritual level unlike any I had experienced prior to that. We would sit together, in the evening (which was key because the kids were all in bed and the house was quiet.), and "talk God." I didn't realize how much I longed to talk to someone about God and what He meant to me, what He was doing in my life, and share my spiritual walk with another person. How I longed to sit with a friend and open our Bibles and read scripture together.


Now, I'm not a shy person, at all, so I often would talk about God and would casually share what He was doing in my life, but this was different. It was intentional. It was raw. It was pure. And once I tasted it, I wanted more of it.


On the first night we met, nearly 4 or 5 hours into our conversation (and nearly the end of our time together, as it was almost 1 or 2 in the morning) she mentioned journaling. I was intrigued. I asked her to share a bit of what she meant by journaling. (Now, let me back track again for a moment... I had tried so many times in my past to journal. I had tried and I had failed. My book shelves are filled with mostly new, nearly empty attempts. It was frustrating because I wanted to be doing this but couldn't seem to stick to it.) She pulled out this journal and ever so lovingly and gently cracked open this very worn, well used, and much loved journal. She opened it up to the beginning and and taught me the method that this particular journal used. The SOAP method. S = Scripture, O = Observation, A = Application, and P = Prayer.


The journal, created by Pastor Peter Bonanno at Grace Capital Church in Concord, NH beautifully lists a daily reading guide, usually Old Testament with New Testament, and on occasion a Psalm or Proverb in there as well. Each day you read the scripture listed for the day, then you go through the SOAP method. You pick a verse that God spoke to you through, write it down, then observe what God was speaking to the people of that time, apply God's Word to your life, and write your prayer out before the Lord.


Journaling became a spiritual high for me. The more I dug into God's Word, the more I wanted to know Him so much more intimately and more personally. I could not get enough of spending time with my Savior, which posed a problem since I was a home schooling mom to 4. But God, in all His beauty and grace, blessed my time with Him and made it so that this tired mom was able to wake up at 5:30-5:45 am, spend a full hour to hour and a half with him and still not be tired throughout the day, or allow me some time in my day to take a nap.


As I began to write out my prayers, I could visibly see God changing my heart. I began to see God changing my mind - renewing my mind and making me more and more Christ-like.


Romans 12:2 says this, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing, and perfect will."


"Renewing our minds is a complete metamorphosis. Metamorphosis is a process of transformation that happens from the inside out. This unusual word is also used in Mark 9, where it says, "Jesus was transfigured before them." Jesus went up to the mountain with three of His closest followers, where they met Elijah and Moses. They heard God's voice authenticating Jesus as the Son of God. Then Jesus was "metamorphosised" right before their eyes. The text does not teach us that there was a bright light shining down on Jesus, but that there was a light, far brighter than the sun, shining "out of Him" unveiling his glory and deity to Peter, John, and James. The primary point I want to make is that life change - genuine spiritual maturity - is not the result of external self-effort, but a supernatural process that flows from the inside out." Living on the Edge by Chip Ingram.  


So, my questions to you are: What are you feeding your mind? Have you journaled or are you interested in journaling? Do you want to make real changes in your life and see real results?


The first step - begin renewing your mind. What you feed your mind is what will be produced in your life. Above, I hyper-linked directly to where you can purchase one of the journals I spoke about. I really encourage you to begin - purchase one of those journals and dive into it. I promise you, God will meet you where you are at and He will begin to renew your mind. You will be able to see changes in your life. Allow the Holy Spirit to work in you and through you.


2 Cor. 3:18 tells us this, "But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit."


Praise God! This renewing process, the metamorphosis process is painful at times. There are ugly truths about ourselves that are hard to deal with, but God is calling us there. We cannot be truly authentic in our walks with God and in our lives with others if we do not come to grips with who we really are. The only way to come to grips with who we really are is to begin to dig deep into God's Word, renewing your mind, and allowing God to tell us who we really are - not the world's perception of us.


While I am two years into this process, It's only been in the past 5 weeks that God has begun to peel back the layers of my life to allow me to see some deep hurts and deeply rooted lies surrounding who I am at the core of my being. These have been painful discoveries, but I am so excited to see where God and I are going with this.


"The most succinct explanation of why most Christians live lives of duplicity and inconsistency is primarily found in their spiritual diet." - Chip Ingram