Forgiveness and pride

Forgiveness. It's such a simple word, yet it's such a tricky subject. In a hard lesson, God worked on this topic of forgiveness with me over the weekend. Then it was driven home by the sad news of a friend's marriage breaking up over the weekend.


Why is forgiveness so hard on big topics? Sure, it's easy to forgive when someone bumps into you or forgets to do something they were supposed to, but why is it so hard to forgive the absent parent, or the affair your spouse had, or the repeated wrongs that don't seem to get any better with time? Has God given us a passage on these bigger issues? What about hurtful words? Forgetfulness or absentmindedness? 

And, what if the person has said sorry? What do we do then?


In Luke 17:3-4, Jesus tells us this,

"So watch yourselves.“If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.”

We must forgive them. So if we know this, why is it so hard?  I think this is a question so many Christians find themselves asking God. "Why God, if I love this person, if this person is my friend, my spouse, my child, my neighbor, my co-worker, then why is it so hard to forgive them? Why, if I know what I ought to do, is it so hard to forgive those that have hurt me or wronged me?" 


Matthew 26:41 says it beautifully, "The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak."


It's as if you can see and hear the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other. The war rages on inside of you when you feel wronged. You know you should forgive and you know forgiveness is a command from God, but pride, hurt, anger, and resentment linger. 

It is exactly what Paul is talking about in Romans. This passage is confusing to read through, but if you read through it carefully, you will see that Paul, through the Holy Spirit, spoke of the same "war" inside of us. 

Read Romans 7:14-24,

 ¹⁴ We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. ¹⁵ I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. ¹⁶ And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. ¹⁷ As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. ¹⁸ For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. ¹⁹ For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. ²⁰ Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
 ²¹ So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. ²² For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; ²³ but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. ²⁴ What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? ²⁵ Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

Again I ask, why, then, is it so hard? Paul made it pretty clear. It's the sin in us. 


Galations 5:17 says is again, 


"For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want."

But there is hope. Our hope is found in God!



Psalm 130:4 tells us this,

But with you there is forgiveness, so that we can, with reverence, serve you.

And, like the end of Romans 7 tells us, "Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord." 

This is a tough topic for me because I am still doing a lot of growing myself in this area. Apologizing and offering forgiveness were not strong suits in my house when I was growing up. I saw the opposite often times (but praise God, His works are new in each of us and both of my parents are now believers and are both also working on this, as well) and now, as an adult, I am going through a lot of growing pains in this area.


It is hard to let go of the pride, the hurt, and the anger when I feel wronged - but there is hope AND freedom in Jesus.... in letting go of those emotions and forgiving. Not simply uttering the words, but truly giving the burden to God and allowing Him to fill your heart with forgiveness and love. 


"Never does the soul appear so strong and noble as when it forgoes revenge and dares to forgive injury." 
~Edwin Hubbel Chapin