"God is not silent. It is the nature of God to speak. The second person of the Holy Trinity is called "The Word." - A.W. Tozer
God was not silent in my life. Although I did not know Him personally until I was 15, I knew Him. I knew He was there, I just didn't know what it was I was looking for.
As a child, as young as seven or so, I would sneak my mother's King James Version Bible into my room and read it at night after I went to bed. I had absolutely no understanding of what I was reading, but I knew there was something in that Book that I wanted, or needed to know.
As time went on, I began asking my parents if they could take me to church. They politely told me they were not church-going people, but told me I was welcomed to go with friends if I could find some that would take me. I sought out, over the next few years, several friends whose families would be willing to take me to church with them. I found some and was thankful to have the opportunity, but when I went to their churches, I knew, somehow, deep down inside of me, that there was more to what was calling me than sitting, standing, kneeling, and repeating. At such a young age, I honestly had no idea what it was, but I knew there was something "out there" that was drawing me closer and closer to an inevitable meeting and it was not at those churches. The search continued.
Then, I met a very dear friend in 7th grade, Macalla. Her and I began to pass notes to each other in class and each time, at the bottom of each of her notes, she would have a Bible verse, New International Version. I'm still not sure if she fully understands the impact that had on my life, but I have never stopped thanking her for her courage and for the gift she gave me. I read those verses with new life. I read them and they gave me life. I still didn't understand who God was or what He was calling me to do, but I knew those verses - the ones I could read and understand - were, in part, what I was looking for. It had no name yet, but that was it.
Macalla eventually invited me to church with her and her family. I jumped at the chance, but her church was a full Korean-speaking church. Since I would not, any time soon, learn to be fluent in Korean, I was in trouble. But what I did find there, in the midst of a strong language barrier, was the heart of God and He called me into His Kingdom that day. He called me and I sat there crying, wanting what I saw in the people around me. I could tell they had what I had been searching for. I could tell they knew about "this God I wanted to know about." That was the day I learned what I was looking for. That was the day I began really looking for God.
Unbeknownst to me, my mother had begun her own spiritual journey with a co-worker who had begun sharing the Gospel of Christ with her on her lunch hour. After a full year of sharing God's love with her, he finally invited my mother to church.
The morning had come, and with trepidation in her voice, my mother walked into my room, woke me up, and gently said, "I'm going to church in 10 minutes. If you want to come, get dressed and get ready to leave." That was it. I remember it as vividly as the day it happened. I remember the excitement I felt. I remember the pink knee-length dress I put on. In ten minutes, I was ready to go - ready to meet God.
My mother and I arrived at the church. We made our way to the fifth row of chairs. Her and I sat by ourselves, in a church of roughly 2500 people. The worship music began and that was it.... I had found God and He had so lovingly, and graciously, and purely drawn me there, to that church, to that very moment in my life where I would call Him my own. Where I would ask God into my life, to forgive me, to fill me with His Spirit, to lead my life in a way that would honor Him and give glory to Him.
The worship began and within minutes my mother and I were brought to tears. We didn't stop crying. The entire service passed with tears streaming down both of our faces. We held hands. We lifted our hands in praise and worship to the Creator who had called both of us there that day. We hugged and we sat listening to God, the Father of heaven and earth, speak to us in a way that we had never been spoken to before - with unfailing love, with peace that passes all understanding, with a voice that echoed in our hearts and drew us in. It was on that day, July 8th, 1992 that I gave God my heart. I gave Him all of me. July 8th was the turning point in my life. What an incredible day and journey, thereafter.
Fast forward to January 4, 1997. This was another turning point in my life - I got married. While that is a turning point for most of us, it was what I had learned about my in-laws after getting married. My husband, who is 7-months older than I am, had been being prayed over every night of his life growing up. His parents would tuck him into bed and would pray with him. In those nightly prayers, they would pray for "his future wife" that she would "know God, or learn of God" and that "she would have a good childhood, be protected, and safe. That God would watch over her life."
I remember when I found this out... I was speechless. People I had never met were praying for me. People who I would some day call family, but were years away from meeting, were praying for me. What an honor! What a blessing! Although I will never know, here on earth, I feel fairly confident and comfortable saying that I can't think of a single person in my life that was praying for me before I was born. With Jason being older than me, that would mean I had been being prayed for while still in my mothers womb. How incredible is God. God heard the prayers of one righteous family and He worked the answer to those prayers out in my life.
Isaiah 49:1 says this, "Before I was born the LORD called me; from my mother’s womb he has spoken my name."
Jeremiah 29:11 says this, "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
God had plans for me. He knit me together in her womb and He had called me out by name. God drew me into His arms, in spite of my family's lack of knowledge of Him. He drew me closer and closer to Him through creation, through sunrises and sunsets, the stars and moon that lit up the sky. He spoke gently to my heart and made Himself known to me, long before I knew Him.
I credit my walk with God to those three very special people. Macalla, Mort, and Marion. Thank you. Thank you for the work you did on my behalf. Thank you for having the courage, the strength, and the Spirit within you to pray on my behalf.
You might be asking why I'm telling this story - it has to do with my journey over the last two years. About a year ago, God had really opened my eyes to this full picture. The portrait of my life that included the prayers of future in-laws prior to my birth, and the prayers of a friend who had the courage to write the truths of God's Word and invite me to attend church with her.
Loved - there is no other word to describe how that makes one feel. The Creator of heaven and earth; Jehovah-Jireh - my provider; Johovah-Rohi - the Lord my Shepherd; the Author of life and of my faith, my gentle Whisperer, and the God who sees me - He had called me, by name, into His Kingdom. God was not silent in my life. God formed me in my mothers womb, with the express knowledge that I would be right where I am today - a wife, a home schooling mother to 4, an abolitionist - fighting for the rights of our unborn babies and for the rights of all people who are trapped in slavery - either sex slavery or debt slavery.
When you learn and know for yourself just how much God will fight for you, just how much He loves you, you will want to Fully Surrender it all to Him. Fully Surrendering to Him has lead to enormous growth in my life in the last two years - spiritually and personally. I love the person God is shaping me to be - more confident and less self-conscience, more apologetic and less stubborn, better able to handle adversity and more loving of myself. These are all areas I have struggled with for most of my life, but Fully Surrendering to God has helped me, in the last two years, to really see enormous growth in these areas. More of Him, less of me....
"The full acting out of the self's surrender to God therefore demands pain: this action, to be perfect, must be done from the pure will to obey, in the absence, or in the teeth, of inclination". ~ C.S. Lewis
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
Peace from an unlikely source.
As a part of this 2 year journey God has had me on so far, He has been working on giving me peace and showing me what peace looks like with Him. It's strange to have known God for so long and yet not know what it really feels like to live in His peace or to live with the peace that only He can bring.
John 14:27 says,
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."
I'm also reminded, right this very moment, that in Galatians 5, God tells us one of the fruits of the Spirit is peace. Praise God for growth. So often we can't see personal growth, but this is an area in which I can say I've seen enormous growth.
Some of that growth has taken form in food. Food had been the bane of my existence. It has tormented me and has caused so much unjust heartache. In our society, with size 2 models and actresses portrayed as the only way in which one can look; in our society in which size 4 models and actresses are starving themselves because they believe themselves to be "too fat", what conclusion does a size 12 woman make?
But for the first time in my life, food has been not my enemy - or at least some foods are not. :-) God brought me to a place (through the diagnoses of my mothers diabetes, a health and nutrition class and through the desire to break the chains of family history) where I have peace about food. More importantly, I have peace about who I am... all 12 sizes of me.
When I began to change the way I ate and the way my family ate, I had a peace in my life that I had never known. I know this may sound strange, but I did. I would never have said I fed my family poorly, but when I compare it to how I feed them now, I feel such a peace about what I am doing.
God showed me, through other resources, that the foods He made for us - raw veggies, fruits, whole grains, and nuts are how He wants us to be eating - or at least how He designed our bodies to function best.
What came of the changes we made - better health. My son, who had been having several health issues, no longer struggles with those issues. My daughter, who had different health issues no longer experiences those - at all. The whole family has seen health benefits from our digestive systems, hair, nails, skin, colon health, and weight loss.
Along the way, I have learned to make my own yogurt, my own bread (and mill my own wheat berries), cakes, apple sauce, began canning (tomatoes, jam, tomato soup and stew tomatoes, apple sauce, and more). I learned how to compost, garden (and now have 5 raised beds, a large fruit garden, and apple, pear, plum, and nut trees.)
As I began to do the research on how to make my family healthier I found more things I wanted to change and changed those as well. We went to a non-plastic household - hoping to eliminate any BPAstainless steel cookware. Non-stick cookware, when over-heated, has been questioned in the release of a carcinogen known as PFOA or also known as C-8. contamination's. I also got rid of all our non-stick cookware and went to
In addition to that, I also continued to research the foods that were already in our house and eliminated all foods that have partially hydrogenated oils, dyes, and high fructose corn syrup (in that link, scroll down to the health effects) in them. All of those ingredients have adverse health effects on the human body and as I learned more about them, I decided they were not ingredients I wanted to be putting into my family's bodies.
So what does this all mean? Why am I bringing this up? Because this has been a huge part to Fully Surrendering. God called me to change - to change, what I believed to be be unchangable. A long family history of obesity, poor eating, and a barrage of health effects that come with both of those - high cholesterol, high blood pressure, diabetes, and more. I did not believe I could change. I thought my lot in life was to walk in the same tracks of those who have gone before me - but I am here to encrourage you that that does not have to be true. When you are willing to lay it all down at the feet of the cross, give it all over to Him, He will change what you think cannot be changed. He will give you the courage and the strength to do the impossible.
I put it all down in front of my Savior - I handed it all to Him. He carried this burden for me and in the process He gave me peace. The peace I now have is the peace that tells me that I am a daughter of a King and that I was fearfully and wonderfully made. I have peace, for the first time in my life, about the size I am. About the food I am eating, and about the life style I am living. This is not because of anything I did, but because I was willing to hear my Father speak to me and then obey the things He was telling me.
God wants you to know that too. Whatever your struggle is, He is there to carry that burden for you. He is there to teach you, give you resources, and give you the strength to change.
Romans 6: 15-18 in The Message says this:
What Is True Freedom?
15-18So, since we're out from under the old tyranny, does that mean we can live any old way we want? Since we're free in the freedom of God, can we do anything that comes to mind? Hardly. You know well enough from your own experience that there are some acts of so-called freedom that destroy freedom. Offer yourselves to sin, for instance, and it's your last free act. But offer yourselves to the ways of God and the freedom never quits. All your lives you've let sin tell you what to do. But thank God you've started listening to a new master, one whose commands set you free to live openly in his freedom!
In Acts 11:21 (Amplified) the Word of God says this:
And the presence of the Lord was with them with power, so that a great number learned to believe and turned and surrendered themselves to Him.
God's peace comes in all forms and, for me, it came in this unlikely form. Are you willing to give it all to Him?
John 14:27 says,
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."
I'm also reminded, right this very moment, that in Galatians 5, God tells us one of the fruits of the Spirit is peace. Praise God for growth. So often we can't see personal growth, but this is an area in which I can say I've seen enormous growth.
Some of that growth has taken form in food. Food had been the bane of my existence. It has tormented me and has caused so much unjust heartache. In our society, with size 2 models and actresses portrayed as the only way in which one can look; in our society in which size 4 models and actresses are starving themselves because they believe themselves to be "too fat", what conclusion does a size 12 woman make?
But for the first time in my life, food has been not my enemy - or at least some foods are not. :-) God brought me to a place (through the diagnoses of my mothers diabetes, a health and nutrition class and through the desire to break the chains of family history) where I have peace about food. More importantly, I have peace about who I am... all 12 sizes of me.
When I began to change the way I ate and the way my family ate, I had a peace in my life that I had never known. I know this may sound strange, but I did. I would never have said I fed my family poorly, but when I compare it to how I feed them now, I feel such a peace about what I am doing.
God showed me, through other resources, that the foods He made for us - raw veggies, fruits, whole grains, and nuts are how He wants us to be eating - or at least how He designed our bodies to function best.
What came of the changes we made - better health. My son, who had been having several health issues, no longer struggles with those issues. My daughter, who had different health issues no longer experiences those - at all. The whole family has seen health benefits from our digestive systems, hair, nails, skin, colon health, and weight loss.
Along the way, I have learned to make my own yogurt, my own bread (and mill my own wheat berries), cakes, apple sauce, began canning (tomatoes, jam, tomato soup and stew tomatoes, apple sauce, and more). I learned how to compost, garden (and now have 5 raised beds, a large fruit garden, and apple, pear, plum, and nut trees.)
As I began to do the research on how to make my family healthier I found more things I wanted to change and changed those as well. We went to a non-plastic household - hoping to eliminate any BPAstainless steel cookware. Non-stick cookware, when over-heated, has been questioned in the release of a carcinogen known as PFOA or also known as C-8. contamination's. I also got rid of all our non-stick cookware and went to
In addition to that, I also continued to research the foods that were already in our house and eliminated all foods that have partially hydrogenated oils, dyes, and high fructose corn syrup (in that link, scroll down to the health effects) in them. All of those ingredients have adverse health effects on the human body and as I learned more about them, I decided they were not ingredients I wanted to be putting into my family's bodies.
So what does this all mean? Why am I bringing this up? Because this has been a huge part to Fully Surrendering. God called me to change - to change, what I believed to be be unchangable. A long family history of obesity, poor eating, and a barrage of health effects that come with both of those - high cholesterol, high blood pressure, diabetes, and more. I did not believe I could change. I thought my lot in life was to walk in the same tracks of those who have gone before me - but I am here to encrourage you that that does not have to be true. When you are willing to lay it all down at the feet of the cross, give it all over to Him, He will change what you think cannot be changed. He will give you the courage and the strength to do the impossible.
I put it all down in front of my Savior - I handed it all to Him. He carried this burden for me and in the process He gave me peace. The peace I now have is the peace that tells me that I am a daughter of a King and that I was fearfully and wonderfully made. I have peace, for the first time in my life, about the size I am. About the food I am eating, and about the life style I am living. This is not because of anything I did, but because I was willing to hear my Father speak to me and then obey the things He was telling me.
God wants you to know that too. Whatever your struggle is, He is there to carry that burden for you. He is there to teach you, give you resources, and give you the strength to change.
Romans 6: 15-18 in The Message says this:
What Is True Freedom?
15-18So, since we're out from under the old tyranny, does that mean we can live any old way we want? Since we're free in the freedom of God, can we do anything that comes to mind? Hardly. You know well enough from your own experience that there are some acts of so-called freedom that destroy freedom. Offer yourselves to sin, for instance, and it's your last free act. But offer yourselves to the ways of God and the freedom never quits. All your lives you've let sin tell you what to do. But thank God you've started listening to a new master, one whose commands set you free to live openly in his freedom!
In Acts 11:21 (Amplified) the Word of God says this:
And the presence of the Lord was with them with power, so that a great number learned to believe and turned and surrendered themselves to Him.
God's peace comes in all forms and, for me, it came in this unlikely form. Are you willing to give it all to Him?
Monday, March 14, 2011
The Power Of Answered Prayer - A Journal Entry
This is a journal entry from my daily quiet time with God. With the One who's showing just how gracious He is and just how deep His love is for me.
Feb 2, 2011
My Heart
1 John 3:20, "God is greater than our hearts."
"As children of God, we do not have to be derailed by the way we feel. Our God is greater. Give Him your heart." - Beth Moore
Lord, I am broken. Somewhere inside, I am broken. Somewhere inside, I have allowed Satan to tell me that I am a failure and I will never accomplish what I want to accomplish.
Where does this come from? Why? What is going on with me? Why am I so broken?
Lord, I thank you that your Word today tells me - PROMISES ME - that YOU are greater than my broken heart. YOU are greater, Lord. YOU... not my brokenness.
Lord, help me. Help me to figure out why I am the way I am. Show me your face, Lord. Help me, Father.
*****
I poured my heart out to God that day. I put it out there for God to see and hear it all. That was Feb 2, 2011 and TEN DAYS LATER, Jay came to my front door. Sent to our house by our church for a completely different reason (to do a church-wide survey), God used Jay in a mighty way in my life.
My God is still the same God of Jacob, Issac, and Abraham. He is still the same God as He was to David, Ruth, Naomi, and Job. My Heavenly Father answered my prayer is a very real and tangible way - just like he answered the prayers of the Israelites.
I love David's prayers and his songs. I love how he pours out his heart to God. I feel like I can relate so much to David. I lay it all out there because that is who I am. Well in 2 Samuel 7:18 David cried out, " WHO AM I, O Sovereign Lord, and what is my family that you have brought me this far?"
"That you have brought me this far......" I feel David's heart. Who am I, Lord, that you have brought me out this far. Just like the Israelites, you did not bring me out this far, to take me back again... you brought me out to bring me into the promised land. You are bringing me into that promised land and I'm coming, Lord. I look forward to what's on the other side over - in the land flowing with milk and honey.
Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Jay.
How do you fully surrender it all to God? You have to give it all to God. Pour your heart out to Him - then hang on! Find resources to help you - starting with God's Word. It is in His Truth that we can have a renewed mind, freedom from the bondage's we are in, and the liberty to pursue the joy, peace, and comforts He has given and promised us!
"My sheep listen to my voice; I know them and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand." ~ Jesus of Nazareth
Blessings.
Feb 2, 2011
My Heart
1 John 3:20, "God is greater than our hearts."
"As children of God, we do not have to be derailed by the way we feel. Our God is greater. Give Him your heart." - Beth Moore
Lord, I am broken. Somewhere inside, I am broken. Somewhere inside, I have allowed Satan to tell me that I am a failure and I will never accomplish what I want to accomplish.
Where does this come from? Why? What is going on with me? Why am I so broken?
Lord, I thank you that your Word today tells me - PROMISES ME - that YOU are greater than my broken heart. YOU are greater, Lord. YOU... not my brokenness.
Lord, help me. Help me to figure out why I am the way I am. Show me your face, Lord. Help me, Father.
*****
I poured my heart out to God that day. I put it out there for God to see and hear it all. That was Feb 2, 2011 and TEN DAYS LATER, Jay came to my front door. Sent to our house by our church for a completely different reason (to do a church-wide survey), God used Jay in a mighty way in my life.
My God is still the same God of Jacob, Issac, and Abraham. He is still the same God as He was to David, Ruth, Naomi, and Job. My Heavenly Father answered my prayer is a very real and tangible way - just like he answered the prayers of the Israelites.
I love David's prayers and his songs. I love how he pours out his heart to God. I feel like I can relate so much to David. I lay it all out there because that is who I am. Well in 2 Samuel 7:18 David cried out, " WHO AM I, O Sovereign Lord, and what is my family that you have brought me this far?"
"That you have brought me this far......" I feel David's heart. Who am I, Lord, that you have brought me out this far. Just like the Israelites, you did not bring me out this far, to take me back again... you brought me out to bring me into the promised land. You are bringing me into that promised land and I'm coming, Lord. I look forward to what's on the other side over - in the land flowing with milk and honey.
Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Jay.
How do you fully surrender it all to God? You have to give it all to God. Pour your heart out to Him - then hang on! Find resources to help you - starting with God's Word. It is in His Truth that we can have a renewed mind, freedom from the bondage's we are in, and the liberty to pursue the joy, peace, and comforts He has given and promised us!
"My sheep listen to my voice; I know them and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand." ~ Jesus of Nazareth
Blessings.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Jay... and God's gracious and enormous love for me!
Jay - a small name, a spiritual giant.
The day I met Jay, was a day I will never forget.
Below, you will read an excerpt from a letter I wrote this man named Jay - my earthly angel.
" I also wanted to say a huge thank you, from the bottom of my heart for obeying God that day. I believe you were right on in saying that you were not at our house because of Shiloh, but by divine appointment. Jay, I wish, so much, you could see what has been happening in my life. The connections, the verses, the pages of a book, a bible study... it's ALL connecting! I have been in tears, being broken, mended, molded, and in awe of just how absolutely AMAZING my God is!! The God I love and serve, the one who, at times I doubt, felt it so necessary to intercede on my behalf that he sent a Beth Moore Bible study, an AMAZING book (which I do HIGHLY recommend to you!), and you! He sent them all to me, as a perfectly assembled gift, just for me. You asked me, "What would you think.... if God had allowed, for a time, to make your memory the way that it is. What would you say? How would that make you feel?" My answer to you, in tears, was, "loved by God."
If you want to know what it feels like to KNOW you are loved by God, you should request a neatly, beautifully, and lovingly assembled package - designed in perfection, by the Creator himself just for you. There are no words that I can use to adequately - even eloquently - describe how loved I have felt by God.
Thank you. Thank you for your obedience to say hard things, to listen to the promptings of the Holy Spirit, and to press in, and press through - despite or in spite of my resistance.
Jason asked me after you left... and after I stopped crying, "So, what do you think about the night? How would you describe it?" The first word out of my mouth was, "Creepy." But, honestly, I just had no words to describe being completely and utterly emotionally stripped. I felt naked before you. It was as if you could see all the secrets deep down in my heart and it was a terribly vulnerable place to be in. It was "creepy", but for as strange and vulnerable as it felt, it felt good to be saying some of those things.
What surprised me the most was the level of intensity of which I cried when I had to talk about losing my 7 babies - even over being raped. I did not realize how much I blamed God for that and how deeply hurt I felt by the feelings that He did not protect my precious little babies. That as I lied in bed each night crying out to God to protect them, then I would lose them, how much hurt and resentment that had built up in me. How that had built a wall of distrust in me - in the One who, in His very nature, has protected me my entire life. I blamed myself for the rapes, but worse than that, I blamed God for the loss of all my angels........... and wow............... just like that, I can still be brought to tears with this conversation.
At any rate, I wanted to thank you. "Thank you" just does not seem sufficient enough for your obedience to God that day, but it's all I have. At some point, I would love to open the doors of communication with you to see how Jason and I might be able to partner with you and your wife - as prayer partners and possibly financial partners. Jason said, "Watching Jay work with you was like watching a spiritual surgeon. He began prepping earlier in the day and got you ready, then evening fell and I watched you lay your body down as he performed a spiritual heart surgery. What God worked through him was one of the coolest things I've ever seen."
***
That was Jay. Jay, for a 9 hour period of time, spoke God's love and truth to me. He was a divine appointment, orchestrated by God, just for me.
How do you fully surrender to God - lay it ALL down, at the feet of the cross.
The day I met Jay, was a day I will never forget.
Below, you will read an excerpt from a letter I wrote this man named Jay - my earthly angel.
" I also wanted to say a huge thank you, from the bottom of my heart for obeying God that day. I believe you were right on in saying that you were not at our house because of Shiloh, but by divine appointment. Jay, I wish, so much, you could see what has been happening in my life. The connections, the verses, the pages of a book, a bible study... it's ALL connecting! I have been in tears, being broken, mended, molded, and in awe of just how absolutely AMAZING my God is!! The God I love and serve, the one who, at times I doubt, felt it so necessary to intercede on my behalf that he sent a Beth Moore Bible study, an AMAZING book (which I do HIGHLY recommend to you!), and you! He sent them all to me, as a perfectly assembled gift, just for me. You asked me, "What would you think.... if God had allowed, for a time, to make your memory the way that it is. What would you say? How would that make you feel?" My answer to you, in tears, was, "loved by God."
If you want to know what it feels like to KNOW you are loved by God, you should request a neatly, beautifully, and lovingly assembled package - designed in perfection, by the Creator himself just for you. There are no words that I can use to adequately - even eloquently - describe how loved I have felt by God.
Thank you. Thank you for your obedience to say hard things, to listen to the promptings of the Holy Spirit, and to press in, and press through - despite or in spite of my resistance.
Jason asked me after you left... and after I stopped crying, "So, what do you think about the night? How would you describe it?" The first word out of my mouth was, "Creepy." But, honestly, I just had no words to describe being completely and utterly emotionally stripped. I felt naked before you. It was as if you could see all the secrets deep down in my heart and it was a terribly vulnerable place to be in. It was "creepy", but for as strange and vulnerable as it felt, it felt good to be saying some of those things.
What surprised me the most was the level of intensity of which I cried when I had to talk about losing my 7 babies - even over being raped. I did not realize how much I blamed God for that and how deeply hurt I felt by the feelings that He did not protect my precious little babies. That as I lied in bed each night crying out to God to protect them, then I would lose them, how much hurt and resentment that had built up in me. How that had built a wall of distrust in me - in the One who, in His very nature, has protected me my entire life. I blamed myself for the rapes, but worse than that, I blamed God for the loss of all my angels........... and wow............... just like that, I can still be brought to tears with this conversation.
At any rate, I wanted to thank you. "Thank you" just does not seem sufficient enough for your obedience to God that day, but it's all I have. At some point, I would love to open the doors of communication with you to see how Jason and I might be able to partner with you and your wife - as prayer partners and possibly financial partners. Jason said, "Watching Jay work with you was like watching a spiritual surgeon. He began prepping earlier in the day and got you ready, then evening fell and I watched you lay your body down as he performed a spiritual heart surgery. What God worked through him was one of the coolest things I've ever seen."
***
That was Jay. Jay, for a 9 hour period of time, spoke God's love and truth to me. He was a divine appointment, orchestrated by God, just for me.
How do you fully surrender to God - lay it ALL down, at the feet of the cross.
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