God was not silent - My two prayer warriors.

"God is not silent. It is the nature of God to speak. The second person of the Holy Trinity is called "The Word." - A.W. Tozer


God was not silent in my life. Although I did not know Him personally until I was 15, I knew Him. I knew He was there, I just didn't know what it was I was looking for. 


As a child, as young as seven or so, I would sneak my mother's King James Version Bible into my room and read it at night after I went to bed. I had absolutely no understanding of what I was reading, but I knew there was something in that Book that I wanted, or needed to know. 


As time went on, I began asking my parents if they could take me to church. They politely told me they were not church-going people, but told me I was welcomed to go with friends if I could find some that would take me. I sought out, over the next few years, several friends whose families would be willing to take me to church with them. I found some and was thankful to have the opportunity, but when I went to their churches, I knew, somehow, deep down inside of me, that there was more to what was calling me than sitting, standing, kneeling, and repeating. At such a young age, I honestly had no idea what it was, but I knew there was something "out there" that was drawing me closer and closer to an inevitable meeting and it was not at those churches. The search continued. 


Then, I met a very dear friend in 7th grade, Macalla. Her and I began to pass notes to each other in class and each time, at the bottom of each of her notes, she would have a Bible verse, New International Version. I'm still not sure if she fully understands the impact that had on my life, but I have never stopped thanking her for her courage and for the gift she gave me. I read those verses with new life. I read them and they gave me life. I still didn't understand who God was or what He was calling me to do, but I knew those verses - the ones I could read and understand - were, in part, what I was looking for. It had no name yet, but that was it. 

Macalla eventually invited me to church with her and her family. I jumped at the chance, but her church was a full Korean-speaking church. Since I would not, any time soon, learn to be fluent in Korean, I was in trouble. But what I did find there, in the midst of a strong language barrier, was the heart of God and He called me into His Kingdom that day. He called me and I sat there crying, wanting what I saw in the people around me. I could tell they had what I had been searching for. I could tell they knew about "this God I wanted to know about." That was the day I learned what I was looking for. That was the day I began really looking for God.

Unbeknownst to me, my mother had begun her own spiritual journey with a co-worker who had begun sharing the Gospel of Christ with her on her lunch hour. After a full year of sharing God's love with her, he finally invited my mother to church. 


The morning had come, and with trepidation in her voice, my mother walked into my room, woke me up, and gently said, "I'm going to church in 10 minutes. If you want to come, get dressed and get ready to leave." That was it. I remember it as vividly as the day it happened. I remember the excitement I felt. I remember the pink knee-length dress I put on. In ten minutes, I was ready to go - ready to meet God. 


My mother and I arrived at the church. We made our way to the fifth row of chairs. Her and I sat by ourselves, in a church of roughly 2500 people. The worship music began and that was it.... I had found God and He had so lovingly, and graciously, and purely drawn me there, to that church, to that very moment in my life where I would call Him my own. Where I would ask God into my life, to forgive me, to fill me with His Spirit, to lead my life in a way that would honor Him and give glory to Him. 


 The worship began and within minutes my mother and I were brought to tears. We didn't stop crying. The entire service passed with tears streaming down both of our faces. We held hands. We lifted our hands in praise and worship to the Creator who had called both of us there that day. We hugged and we sat listening to God, the Father of heaven and earth, speak to us in a way that we had never been spoken to before - with unfailing love, with peace that passes all understanding, with a voice that echoed in our hearts and drew us in. It was on that day, July 8th, 1992 that I gave God my heart. I gave Him all of me. July 8th was the turning point in my life. What an incredible day and journey, thereafter.


Fast forward to January 4, 1997. This was another turning point in my life - I got married. While that is a turning point for most of us, it was what I had learned about my in-laws after getting married. My husband, who is 7-months older than I am, had been being prayed over every night of his life growing up. His parents would tuck him into bed and would pray with him. In those nightly prayers, they would pray for "his future wife" that she would "know God, or learn of God" and that "she would have a good childhood, be protected, and safe. That God would watch over her life." 


I remember when I found this out... I was speechless. People I had never met were praying for me. People who I would some day call family, but were years away from meeting, were praying for me. What an honor! What a blessing! Although I will never know, here on earth, I feel fairly confident and comfortable saying that I can't think of a single person in my life that was praying for me before I was born. With Jason being older than me, that would mean I had been being prayed for while still in my mothers womb. How incredible is God. God heard the prayers of one righteous family and He worked the answer to those prayers out in my life. 


Isaiah 49:1 says this, "Before I was born the LORD called me; from my mother’s womb he has spoken my name."




Jeremiah 29:11 says this, "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."


God had plans for me. He knit me together in her womb and He had called me out by name. God drew me into His arms, in spite of my family's lack of knowledge of Him. He drew me closer and closer to Him through creation, through sunrises and sunsets, the stars and moon that lit up the sky. He spoke gently to my heart and made Himself known to me, long before I knew Him.


I credit my walk with God to those three very special people. Macalla, Mort, and Marion. Thank you. Thank you for the work you did on my behalf. Thank you for having the courage, the strength, and the Spirit within you to pray on my behalf.


You might be asking why I'm telling this story - it has to do with my journey over the last two years. About a year ago, God had really opened my eyes to this full picture. The portrait of my life that included the prayers of future in-laws prior to my birth, and the prayers of a friend who had the courage to write the truths of God's Word and invite me to attend church with her.


Loved - there is no other word to describe how that makes one feel. The Creator of heaven and earth; Jehovah-Jireh - my provider; Johovah-Rohi - the Lord my Shepherd; the Author of life and of my faith, my gentle Whisperer, and the God who sees me - He had called me, by name, into His Kingdom. God was not silent in my life. God formed me in my mothers womb, with the express knowledge that I would be right where I am today - a wife, a home schooling mother to 4, an abolitionist - fighting for the rights of our unborn babies and for the rights of all people who are trapped in slavery - either sex slavery or debt slavery.


When you learn and know for yourself just how much God will fight for you, just how much He loves you, you will want to Fully Surrender it all to Him. Fully Surrendering to Him has lead to enormous growth in my life in the last two years - spiritually and personally. I love the person God is shaping me to be - more confident and less self-conscience, more apologetic and less stubborn, better able to handle adversity and more loving of myself. These are all areas I have struggled with for most of my life, but Fully Surrendering to God has helped me, in the last two years, to really see enormous growth in these areas. More of Him, less of me....


"The full acting out of the self's surrender to God therefore demands pain: this action, to be perfect, must be done from the pure will to obey, in the absence, or in the teeth, of inclination". ~ C.S. Lewis